Monday, November 30, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
( Jingle comes on.)
AKC Reporter: Hello, this is Jane Hammerlad reporting for AKC news. There has been a recent scandal up in Hooland . A young man named Bobbert Donkin was found in a coma inside his apartment. Going further into this story is Max Ablemouth.
Max: Hello Jane, well here I am at the site of the victim’s house. Going inside, we can see the huge amount of video games and donut boxes that liter the floor. The spot where Bobbert was found collapsed is currently surrounded by police officers. We will now be speaking to one of them about the scene of Bobbert’s coma, and perhaps a bit about how it came about. Excuse me Madam?
Officer: Yes sir?
Max: Can you reveal to us any information as to what may have caused the collapse of Bobbert Donkin?
Officer: Well, on thing we can assume about this case is that poor Mr. Bobbert was an avid fan of donuts. Particularly Cosmic Donuts, which are found to contain 19% of our daily saturated fat needs. Seeing as he’d eaten about 26 donuts when he collapsed means he ate well over his daily saturated fat needs. I’m not a health proffesional myself, but I have seen some articles on the matter, and I would consider that to be an extreme amount for one to eat, especially one with Bobert’s needs. And I think that the stable coma that he’s currently in is an awful price to pay for some donuts!
Max: Can you go a bit more into the subject of Bobbert’s needs?
Officer: Well, a young man of his age (which is about 18) has regular daily nutritional needs that he must fulfill, and yet stay under to keep up a healthy body. That’s all I know. Please talk to the health official to learn more about that subject. The poor, poor lad!
Max: All right, well that was quite a healthy amount of information. Let’s see if one of the Health officials here has anything more to add!
Health Official: My take on this situation is that Bobert was an obviously unhealthy individual, and that he brought about his own end. Donuts are reputably unhealthy, and contain many harmfull preservatives and bi-products.
Max: Could you perhaps list some of the ingredients in a donut for our listeners?
Health Official: Absolutely, anything to put listeners off them! Some of the worst aspects of donut ingredients are things such as hydrogenated soybean oil, (which contains trans fat, which has been known to cause heart problems.) the fact that one donut contains 19% of you daily saturated fat needs, and that they contain harsh preservatives such as Potassium Sorbate.
Max: Thank you very much, now we’ll be going back to Jane. See you tomorrow, I’m Max Ablemouth on AKC local news.